Sunday, September 12, 2010

A bit confused

I've been a bit sick lately. The antibiotics i took a few days back took care of any bacterial infection. Now i'm just having some cold typical of a viral flu. Since its self subsiding i got to wait for a few more days.

Today my mom told me about one incident where she heard about my professional reputation from one of my patients. She heard many good things about me and was happy to hear that. But hearing that made me a bit confused as i've become a bit mechanical since last week. I mean i don't smile that often at my patients and i try to finish my OP as early as possible. I am finally able to eat lunch in time. By doing that i have gained free time everyday but i am losing the satisfaction i got while doing my work. Last month one of my patients had complained about one of my staff saying she insulted her. The female staff was a bit rude so i think she deserved it. So there was an inquiry by the authorities and the RCH officer came on that day. She showed me the complaint, inside it there was a sentence saying "the doctor here is very good". I was.. moved by that. I mean its a complaint & even in it they tried to protect me. I hope i am worthy of the affection. I know there will be some people to criticize me but there are many others who like me. That feels great. It adds a meaning to my life. In last few years there have been instances when i thought if there was any meaning to my existence in this world. I think i finally found an answer. It fills me with hope & a belief that i tired to make a difference in this world. And then everything feels brighter or is it the sun? :) don't know but it do adds a smile to my face and adds serenity to my thoughts. It feels great.

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