Monday, October 18, 2010

A bit disillusioned

I've been missing from my online diary for more than a week by now.. Why? Because i feel i am writing crap. I don't have the talent to write a great blog and i know that. I just wanted this to be an online diary but i feel its foolish to store my secrets online as anyone can access it. So i am left with non intimate details which i share here and i am not satisfied with it.

Okay let me write some personal details.. i feel horrible. Life has gone so dull. The only time i feel happy is when i am talking to my patients. That too is now gone as i have to rush through the OP to finish it before lunch, so that all the staff can have lunch in time. The only joy i had was the smiles i used to get from the OPD and now its all mechanical. I am not a humanitarian as i write, i am a lazy guy who hesitates before giving money to the poor. I would rather use it on a fancy gadget or a burger instead of giving it to the poor. I am mean.. but i do like sharing happiness to people when i am in the OPD.

I went to the church last week hoping to find some inspiration. When i went there i felt good at first, its been a long time since i've been there. But i didn't feel happy, i was chanting the prayer like a robot, i didn't pray. Church was good but not as life changing as i expected it to be. The only place i feel happy and praying is when i work in the OPD.

Life sucks.. sorry to use the bad language but life really sucks. I hate to write this in internet net, there's a chance that in future some one will use this against me but i can't resist. Let them do whatever they want, i don't care. I will keep writing my crap, may be some day i will read this and laugh at myself, some day when i am feeling great. Bye.


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